You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon. If it weren't for bacon, we wouldn't even know what a water chestnut is. "Thank you bacon. Sincerely, Water Chestnut III."

And bits of bacon, bits of bacon are like the fairy dust of the food community. "You don't want this baked potato? Brrring! Now it's your favorite part of the meal. Not interested in the salad? Bibbity bobbity BACON. I just turned it into an entree."

But you can't eat bacon all day, cause it's horrible for you. You know bacon's bad when a healthier choice is a donut. And we've known bacon is bad for thousands of years. It's literally a restriction on entering certain religious. "Our rules: No Killing, No Cheating on Your Wife, No Bacon." "Oooh, what was that last one?" "No Bacon." "Aaah, I'm in the wrong line."


-- Jim Gaffigan, Beyond Pale