I first noticed the problem when I was signed onto CompuServe about three months ago. Having searched for some articles based on the words "object oriented," I was reading about the new object standards -- OpenDoc, OLE, COM, CORBA. Suddenly, I began to shiver. My mind flooded with questions. "Are spreadsheets really objects? Do they inherit anything? What is the difference between COM and SOM? Can they be used in a language like Smalltalk? Can't this be done with an ODBMS? What do these sharing standards mean in an environment like the NeXT?"
When I finally stopped, my t-shirt was soaked with sweat and I realized that half an hour had passed. I would have been willing to write it off as bad sauce on my pizza if it wasn't for the dream I had that same night. I found myself in a Wild West saloon, drinking whiskey with Grace Hopper. She was dressed in a Cavalry uniform. The next thing I remember was having to face Steve Jobs and Bill Gates together in a gunfight. Although I was able to drop both of them while they stood arguing with each other, it was pretty terrifying. When I awoke, I knew something serious was up.
Fortunately my family doctor has a lot of patients that work in the computer industry. He wasn't sure what was wrong; however, he referred me to a psychologist -- Dr. Howard Class -- who apparently had a name in treating these kinds of conditions. After an hour of questions on Dr. Class' couch, I had a diagnosis: Object-Oriented Confusion Syndrome or OOCS. The doctor said that OOCS is a condition similar to RCS (Relational Confusion Syndrome) and SPCS (Structured Programming Confusion Syndrome). My dream, he told me, was a classic manifestation of the difficulty of transition to a new technology (represented by the arguing Gates and Jobs) from an old one (represented by Grace Hopper). My shooting of Gates and Jobs was a sign of the seriousness of my struggle at a subconscious level. I took it upon myself to research my condition. OOCS, like the other confusion syndromes, is caused by the consumption of too much information about a new technology or technical trend. OOCS sufferers are usually technology evaluators, often those charged with the task of choosing development tools. The syndrome occurs when an evaluator absorbs too much information on the capability of object-oriented and object-like technologies, losing sight of the original purpose of the evaluation. The symptoms can be quite dramatic. I had what was classified as a Level I case (not too serious). Dr. Class told me that he had one hospitalized patient who was Level IV case. This poor fellow had been found in his apartment having covered all of his walls and furniture with architectural diagrams. Even after six months of intensive therapy, he still lapses into a babble of acronyms on occasion. For me, weekly group meetings and the occasional individual session with Dr. Class have worked wonders. I still get an occasional twinge when flipping through trade magazines. Naturally, I do what the doctor prescribes. I chant the phrase "What do the users really need to do?" until it passes.
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Database Dated : 9/11/2024 6:56:13 PM