Customer Support -- What Fun, An actual example:

dear gina b.

shamiqa no send gina b. code. problem happen like so:

p4 think itself very smart. but p4 not so smart as shamiqa. p4 think branch go false false false true true true. but branch go false true false false true true. p4 make bad guess. p4 get confuse then p4 go very slow. shamiqa want to make p4 no more guess but wait until know for sure. branch prediction very bad idea unless code very simple. shamiqa no write simple code! you tell shamiqa how to make p4 no more guess when run shamiqa code, yes?

speculative execution even more worse idea unless code very simple. shamiqa no write simple code!! you tell shamiqa how to make p4 no more guess when run shamiqa code, yes?

out-of-order execution most worst idea of all unless code very simple. shamiqa no write simple code!!! you tell shamiqa how to make p4 no more guess when run shamiqa code, yes?

shamiqa help you, maybe pseudo-code work like this, yes?

get_processor_control_word

store_processor_control_word

mask_processor_control_word_bits_to_turn_off_branch_prediction

mask_processor_control_word_bits_to_turn_off_speculative_execution

mask_processor_control_word_bits_to_turn_off_out_of_order_execution

put_processor_control_word

begin_critical_code

...........................

end_critical_code

recall_processor_control_code

put_processor_control_word

you ask engineering team to tell shamiqa what is instruction to get_processor_control_word? what is mask to to turn off branch prediction? what is mask to turn off speculative execution? what is mask to turn off out-of-order execution? what is instruction to put_processor_control_code?

you no argue with shamiqa is idea no good. shamiqa no care. you no tell shamiqa how smart is p4. shamiqa no care. you no tell shamiqa how smart is engineering team. shamiqa no care. you please tell shamiqa how to control p4.

you no argue with shamiqa why. you tell shamiqa how. manual no tell shamiqa how to do this. you no tell shamiqa to read manual again.

shamiqua question not so hard, yes? engineering team very smart? engineering team answer shamiqua question, yes?

shamiqa is your friend always